


Broken Soul, shattered Mind

by Violettavonviolet



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcoholic Jessica Jones, Alcoholic Tony Stark, Breaking, Depressed Peter Parker, Depressing, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jessica Jones mentioned, Lots of Other Characters - Freeform, Matt Murdock mentioned - Freeform, Or at least like, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Very hard to describe, Wade Wilson mentioned, tony stark mentioned - Freeform, wade Wilson kills himslf but like he does that on a daily basis so?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25095613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violettavonviolet/pseuds/Violettavonviolet
Summary: Ned notices, of course he does.Peter is breaking and there is nothing he can do about it. It has to be the most painful thing Ned has ever witnessed, seeing a friend crack and slowly shatter and knowing that he can do nothing about it....Peter knows about breaking, he saw it from his very start. Every vigilante, every hero breaks after a time and at first Peter didn’t understand but as time went on he slowly began to realize what their actions were, what they meant.
Relationships: Ned Leeds & Peter Parker
Kudos: 37





	Broken Soul, shattered Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, im back with a new fanfic. This time its this little piece which is surprisingly deep for a flat ass bitch like me. I have absolutely no idea where it came from but its honestly just a mood.   
> This is rather short and I promise a longer update to another fic on Friday. Btw in about an hour is my bday so I am very excited even if this fun definitely doesn't reflect that.   
> well, that's all I wanna say rn, so may I present you with;

Ned notices, of course he does.

Peter is breaking and there is nothing he can do about it. It has to be the most painful thing Ned has ever witnessed, seeing a friend crack and slowly shatter and knowing that he can do nothing about it. So Ned observes, sees his friend fall apart piece by piece and sometimes he wishes he could cry but he can’t because ultimately the world needs Spiderman more than Ned needs his Peter so he has to let it happen. He curses ever deity that may or may not exist for the fate of his friend but it doesn’t help. It changes nothing about the situation and now all Ned does is stand besides Peter, trying to help fix him and knowing that it’s a sisyphus situation. No matter how much he tries, Peter will never be complete again. He falls apart a little with every stab, every bullet and every death he witnesses but he goes on and in a weird kind of way, Ned admires his friend for the strength he has, but he can’t help but hate that very strength at the same time. The strength that is damning his friend to a half life.

Peter knows about breaking, he saw it from his very start. Every vigilante, every hero breaks after a time and at first Peter didn’t understand but as time went on he slowly began to realize what their actions were, what they meant.   
He understood Jones’ and Tonys need to drink until the bottle was empty. He understood why Wade killed and hurt himself again and again without pause or care for his own well being. He understood why Matt went out to get hurt why he fought and fought and fought to somehow punish himself. Everyone has a breaking point and every hero will someday be broken. 

You might not notice at first but if you watch and wait you realize their fate and now all Peter can do is sympathize. Being a hero is soul crushing work, knowing that for every human you save fifty die. Fifty people you could have saved but didn’t. Peter keeps his good humor up but somedays all he feels like is crying. But he is the friendly neighborhood spider and Spiderman doesn’t cry. No matter how much he wants to. His hands shake a little and sometimes they shake more than just a little and sometimes he can’t hold his camera or his pen anymore and he has to copy notes from Ned later but he ignores it and tells himself that he’s fine, that he isn’t broken already. That he didn’t break into a thousand parts when Ben died in his arms. 

Sometimes he can’t breath.

Sometimes his lungs feel like they are about to collapse. 

Sometimes Peter just wants to break out, run away from Queens from New York. 

He doesn’t.

Sometimes he sits on top of a building and thinks about what would happen, if he didn’t catch himself when he jumped. If he would live or if the height would kill him. 

Sometimes he just wants to end it all. 

He chalks it up to a bad mood, the weather or a rather tiring day, but he knows deep down that he is already broken beyond repair.   
But thats ok, everybody is.   
Everybody has a breaking point and if he is in a really cynic mood he thinks, you can’t truly be a hero until you are only the broken pieces of yourself lost in the city that never sleeps, that reeks of death and terror that overshadow even the brightest lights of time square.

Sometimes he jumps of a building and doesn’t catch himself until the very last moment. 

The life around him goes on but Peter is stuck. And slowly ever so slowly he works himself apart until nothing is left but pieces of a broken man denying the cracks until the very end. 

Peter doesn’t drink, doesn’t hurt himself, doesn’t go out and fight everything he sees, doesn’t actively distance himself from everybody he knows, not really. 

But sometimes, he falls and for a little moment he imagines freedom.

**Author's Note:**

> This is it! Did you like it? Any thoughts, questions or prompts? Then pls leave a comment down below!   
> I am very bored so I can promise you a fic for the prompt'll be written in less than two weeks. Read you again on Friday,  
> bye,   
> Vio


End file.
